


Raining Since Forever

by DramaticNia



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 10:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28349634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticNia/pseuds/DramaticNia
Summary: Words that were left unspoken,feelings that were ignored,time passed,but...love didn't go away...~~~A story of an old love which has never been expressed......or maybe it will?!~~~!!! Chapter Two Updated ✔ !!!
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Comments: 14
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**| Friday, 10th of October 2008 | Dunsfold Aerodrome, Surrey, United Kingdom |**

  
It was a cold autumn evening and it had started raining by the time they finished filming a new car test on the damp track.

  
"Where's Hammond? I haven't seen him around today!" Jeremy asked with a smile as he got out of the car and ran towards Andy on the side of the track to get under his umbrella.

"Uh... he hasn't told you yet?" Andy asked, wide-eyed.

"Told me what?" Jeremy asked while wiping the rain drops off his coat, then turned around and looked at Andy with knitted eyebrows.

"Umm... he... he says that he wants to... um..." Andy gulped and lowered his head, scratching the back of his head, afraid of what the older man's reaction would be.

"He wants to do what, Andy?" Jeremy asked more firmly this time, worry now evident on his face.

"He wants to quit Top Gear..." Andy finally said in one breath and raised his head, looking straight at Jeremy's face, waiting for his reaction.

"What?" was all that Jeremy muttered, frowning in concentration as he tried to process Andy's words in his mind.

"Hammond wants to quit the show... and he's in the porta-cabin right now, waiting to have a final talk about it with me." Andy said and looked away, trying to avoid Jeremy's slowly hardening gaze.

"What the-" Jeremy exclaimed as he stormed towards the porta-cabin.

"Jeremy, wait!" Andy panicked and went after Jeremy, but he was soon stopped as a number of crew who wanted to re-do one of the shots got in his way.

  
**_What could possibly go wrong...?_ **

  
Jeremy slammed the door of porta-cabin open angrily and walked in, looking for the smaller man with his eyes.

Richard was startled by the loud bang, looking at the direction of the sound with wide eyes from where he was sitting on a sofa in the centre of the room.

"What's all this shit about, Hammond?" Jeremy asked in a stern voice, crossing his arms over his chest.

"W-what's about what?" Richard asked with a small voice and wide eyes as he stood up from his seat.

"Quitting the SHOW!" Jeremy yelled, stomping towards Richard through the doorway.

"O-oh... I-I wanted to tell you, but you were busy, s-so-" Richard said softly and lowered his head, fiddling wit his fingers nervously.

"SO WHAT, HAMMOND??? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???" Jeremy yelled louder this time as he moved closer to the younger man, hovering over him.

Richard flinched but didn't back away, blinking rapidly, trying to get used to Jeremy's loud yells.

"I-I-I just can't continue this a-anymore, Jere-" Richard was cut off and his breath hitched as a pair of large hands gripped him by the collar and pushed him hard against the wall of the cabin.

Richard's head hit the wall pretty hard, causing his breath to hitch as his vision went fuzzy, making him close his eyes from the severe pain pulsing in his head.

Jeremy kept Richard against the wall, with his right hand pinning the younger man's left hand against the wall so hard that he could hear a cracking sound of his bones, and his left hand still gripping the smaller man's collar and pressing on his throat so hard that he started to choke on the air.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, HUH??? CAN'T YOU JUST STOP BEING A BLOODY SHIT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? WE CAN'T RISK THE WHOLE SHOW BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING STUPIDITY!" Jeremy yelled as he shook Richard violently, hitting the younger man against the wall again and again in the process, pressing his fist harder on his throat.

That was right when James entered the porta-cabin, and as soon as he caught sight of the scene in front of him, he dropped his coffee and literally ran towards his two mates.

"Bloody hell! Let him go, Jeremy!" James yelled in horror while tying hard to take Jeremy's hands off of Richard.

"FUCKING ANSWER ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!!!" Jeremy yelled again with glaring eyes.

Richard's trembling free hand was on Jeremy's left arm which was pressing against his throat, but he wasn't _by any means_ fighting back...!

The younger man was crying quietly, tears running down his pale face as he choked on every little sob, struggling to breath through his sobs and Jeremy's hand pressing against his throat...

But he _wasn't_ fighting back _at all_....!

"JEREMY LET HIM GO YOU'RE _HURTING_ HIM!!!" James yelled louder this time, trying to be heard between Jeremy's angry yells and Richard's sobs as he tried with his all strength to take Jeremy's hands off of Richard.

And all of a sudden,

  
everything stopped...

  
Everything,

  
except Richard's sobs...

Something about those words had made Jeremy stop all his actions at once...

_Fuck._

_No...!_

He could _never_ hurt Richard Hammond!!!

Still panting harshly and with his gaze still fixed on Richard's face, Jeremy's eyes went impossibly wide as if it was the first time he noticed the tears running down the younger man's pale face or the way he was struggling to breath through his sobs.

That was when realisation hit him like a bolt of lightning...

In an instant, Jeremy let go of Richard and stepped back away.

Richard fell on his hands and knees on the ground, coughing and trying to get his breath back as James was trying to comfort him.

Jeremy just stood there, staring at the now on the ground younger man in disbelief.

"I'm sorry..." Richard said the little words once the coughing was over, his voice so low and weak that Jeremy thought he'd heard it wrong.

"I-I'm s-sorry... I'm sor..ry..." Richard repeated the words with a broken voice, fisting his trembling hands against the ground as he closed his eyes and started to cry out loud, his whole body shaking with every sob.

Jeremy just kept staring at him, wide-eyed, silent and motionless.

He couldn't believe _he_ _himself_ was the one who did _this_ to _Richard_...!

_To his beloved hamster,_ of all people...!?

Jeremy looked at his own hands in disbelief,

then at Richard,

and then at his own hands again.

He couldn't believe what that just had happened...

He...

He had never seen such monstrous side of himself before...!

It was scary...

**He wanted to run...**

What was wrong with him...?

**He wanted to run away from himself...**

Was he turning into a monster...?

**So he did...**

He stepped back,

and back,

until there was no more room to back away...

**So he ran out of the porta-cabin like a lightening... .**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will turn out to be much different from what we think :)  
> Anyway,  
> thank you so much for reading it,  
> and please let me know what you think about it so far ~ ♥


	2. Chapter 2

James pitied Richard...

The poor man was cold as ice and pale as a ghost and shaking like a leaf...

James helped the younger man to his feet, but he stumbled and almost fell down again; James could also see the purple bruise slowly forming around Richard's wrist, so he suggested to take him to a clinic or at least to his home,

but Richard insisted that he's fine and he can go home himself.

James knew such a day would come sooner or later...

And now it was just too late to fix everything,

Or maybe it wasn't that late yet?

Maybe there was still a bit of hope left-

But again...

No...

It wasn't James' place to interfere in such a thing at all...!

James could only sigh and feel sorry for his friends, as always...

For the rest of the day, James didn't even see Jeremy around... which was... a bit strange...!

Considering the fact that his noisy friends had always been all over the place in the past six years,

being alone in the porta-cabin without them, while it hadn't even become completely dark yet...

Well, it wasn't a bit strange,

it was _**QUITE**_ strange...!!!

After explaining the earlier incident in the cabin for Andy, which only made the older man frown and sigh and shrug his shoulders - as if he'd expected it to happen anyway - James decided to leave as well.

**It was a weird week after all... They all needed a good rest...**

The next week on Monday morning, Andy messaged Jeremy saying they were holding an emergency meeting that afternoon.

  
Which was a relief to Jeremy...

  
After days of isolating himself in his dark house away from the world and practicing the apology sentences he wanted to say to Richard in front of the mirror, Jeremy was finally ready to face the younger man...

This time, he'd promised himself to listen to the younger man and do _anything_ for him to make everything work in the best way possible.  
  


He'd promised himself to make it up to Richard...  
  


He would do anything to solve Richard's problem... to actually make Richard _**stay**..._  
  


They would make it work... _**together**..._ they will make everything right again... _like always..._  
  


Well, after all, they has been friends for six years by now, right...?!

_**How hard could it be...?** _

Once at the Top Gear production office, Jeremy saw that James was already there, sitting on a sofa reading an old magazine.

"Hi." Jeremy said cheerfully as he hung his coat on the hanger.

James, however, didn't greet him back.

Jeremy just sighed and sat on the sofa across him.

"What's up, mate?"

James put the magazine on the coffee table and crossed his hands, looking straight at Jeremy, but as soon as he opened his mouth to say something, the door swung open, making Jeremy turn his head towards the door and hold his breath in anticipation of seeing a cheerful and bright Richard Hammond to make his day-

  
But what came in through the door was no one other than Andy... with tones of paperwork in his hands and already looking exhausted from all the work he'd done since early morning...

  
Jeremy let out the breath he was holding disappointedly and turned around to face James again.

  
"Good afternoon, mates." Andy said as he walked inside the cabin and put the papers on the coffee table before he sat down.

"Okay. Umm... what we're going to talk about today is tha-"

"Wait! Aren't we supposed to wait for Hammond?" Jeremy interrupted.

"Well, I'm afraid not, mate... he's not coming today." Andy said calmly while shaking his head.

Jeremy frowned and wanted to ask why, but even before he could open his mouth, Andy had already started talking again...

"Okay, so I was saying- Ah first of all, let me tell you that we are not going to argue today! because what I am going to say next has already been approved and is going to be done on the show from tomorrow... so..." Andy said, still looking down at his own crossed hands.

"What do you mean? I thought every decision that's going to be made for the show is going to be based on the opinions of all of us, not t-"

"Jeremy!" Andy rolled his eyes as he cut off Jeremy's rambling, " Jeremy, I said we are _not_ going to argue, okay?" Andy said, sounding a little annoyed.

"Alright." Jeremy mumbled huffily as he sat back on his seat and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Right. The problem is that we have to have three presenters for the show... and since we didn't have enough time for a new audition, I and the production team decided that it would be better to bring someone who already has experience presenting this show... so we decided to bring Jason back again..."

"Jason Dawe?" James asked, a little taken aback.

"Yes..."

"Jason dawe, the fat bloke, the former presenter of Top Gear who was presenting the show before I came up?" James asked once more, eyes widened in surprise and eyebrows raised.

"Yes, James, yes, that's him." Andy said and rolled his eyes while nodding his head.

Meanwhile, Jeremy was staring at his two mates with his jaw dropped, eyes widened and an confused expression on his face.

_What the bloody hell were they even talking about...?_

"Okay, then. I gotta go for now. I have lots of works to do for tomorrow's show. Ah, and you need to stay for longer tonight. We need to go through the script once again because there'd been a few changes there... Jason will also join you in an hour... try to explain everything for him so there won't be any problem for filming tomorrow." Andy explained as he picked up his papers from the table and headed towards the door hurriedly.

James sighed heavily and looked at Jeremy-

-who was still staring into space with knitted eyebrows...

"I-I don't understand..." Jeremy mumbled, totally bewildered.

_Jeremy had never been this confused in his entire life...!_

_How were they acting like nothing important has happened?_

_Where was Richard?_

_Why were they bringing someone else instead of him?_

Thousands of thoughts and possibilities were going on and on in Jeremy's mind all at once at the speed of light...

And James felt bad for the older man...

After all, it wasn't like he knew anything about the issue.

The poor man was completely unaware of everything that was happening around him...

And that was what Richard had always wanted...

"Jeremy-"

"Is it a joke? because if it is, I have to say it's _not_ funny _at all!_ " Jeremy said and finally looked at James with raised eyebrows.

"No, Jeremy, it's not a joke..." James said, shaking his head slightly.

And then something changed in Jeremy's face, causing him to look at James like someone had just shot his puppy dead in front of his own eyes...

And only James knew that it was even worse than that...

Everybody who worked in Top Gear team knew how dear Richard was to Jeremy, no matter how much the older man mocked him about his small figure, his hair or his shiny teeth...

They all knew it very well that Jeremy actually _loved_ those things about the younger man...

And everybody knew that to Jeremy, Richard was like the best achievement of his life...

Like something precious and fragile he had to take care of...

Like a treasure...

Richard was Jeremy's choice for the show, despite Andy's constant nagging about 'We could choose that man, he was more experienced,' or 'We could choose that woman, she was beautiful and would attract more audience--' which Jeremy wouldn't even listen to...!

Since the moment he saw Richard, he couldn't think of any of the other auditioners.

The younger man was like a perfect piece of jigsaw that matched Jeremy in the best way possible...

And Jeremy wasn't going to let him go that easily...

And he would never let anything bad to happen to the younger man either...

He always made sure that the younger man was safe and alright...

But there were things Jeremy wasn't aware of...

_Things_ that _Richard_ didn't _want to_ let Jeremy know about...

And James had to remind himself that so he wouldn't blame Jeremy for their current situation.

Nor could he blame Richard for that...

He didn't know whose fault it actually was...

"Jeremy..." James paused for a moment, still not sure of how to start, "how much do you know about Hammond's personal life?"

"W-what?" Jeremy was taken aback.

"Do you..." James inhaled deeply before continuing, "have you ever asked him about his personal life? o-or about his love life?"

Jeremy looked totally perplexed.

"Have you?" James asked again.

"W-well," Jeremy thought for a moment, "no... we've never-"

"Yes. That's what I'm talking about. Did you know that he's been living alone since high school?"

"No! I-"

"Did you know that he's never dated anyone in his entire life?"

And there was a long pause before Jeremy could respond to that...

"What??" Was all that Jeremy muttered, thinking maybe he'd heard James wrong, but...

"Yes. You heard me right. And do you want to know why?"

Jeremy just lowered his head and shook it, eyes widened in disbelief.

"Because as soon as he'd learnt what love exactly is, he'd found himself being helplessly in Love with _you._ "

Jeremy raised his head in a flash, eyes impossibly wide and mouth open in a silent scream... .

James paused for a moment to let his word sink in before continuing on...

  
"Richard's doctor had told Andy that he's been suffering from severe depression for a year by now... and he's taking pills since then... he can't really keep up with us for the show because it's just too much for him to be beside you like he has no feelings for you, or to act like you're just ordinary mates... and at the same time concentrate on presenting the show... he couldn't really focus recently and it was like a torture for him... he was becoming thinner and weaker and more restless by each day that passed... he was about to be finished, Jeremy... and you didn't even notice because **_he_** didn't want you to notice..."

Jeremy couldn't believe what he was hearing...

  
His head was spinning and his heart was hammering against his chest...

_Was it real...???_

_Or maybe he was still asleep and dreaming...???_

_Because_ _..._

_How the bloody hell he never found out about Richard's depression???_

The younger man was always happy and cheerful around him...!

  
He had the prettiest smiles Jeremy had ever seen in his entire life...

  
And the most beautiful eyes too...

  
He was literally beautiful, inside and out...

But all this time,

Jeremy had forgotten one important principle of life...

  
**_"The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets,_ **

**_the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears,_ **

**_and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain..."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I updated another chapter almost immediately after the first one,  
> because, well, why not? :)  
> I had a free day and just wanted to write as much as I can ~ ^^  
> Anyway,  
> hope you enjoyed,  
> and please let me know what you think about it so far ~ ♥


End file.
